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"No" and the Financial Crisis

A few weeks ago I was in Sarasota, Florida, leading a seminar based on my book, No. Why Kids-of All Ages-Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It. As I've explained in these pages before, self-discipline, the critical success trait for kids, is vanishing under the constant media barrage of "more, easy, fast and fun." The result is a growing epidemic that I've come to call Discipline Deficit Disorder (DDD). The symptoms include impatience, an inability to delay gratification, a sense of entitlement, self centeredness and out of control consumerism.

I have talked to hundreds of groups, mostly parents and educators, about DDD and the need to Say Yes to No in the past year. The difference in Sarasota was the interruption that came from a business leader when the list of DDD symptoms appeared on the Powerpoint screen. "That list describes the reasons for our current financial meltdown," she exclaimed. "The whole financial industry has been based on a 'more, fast, easy and fun' mentality. Discipline deficit disorder is what brought down Wall Street." The crowd in the room that day murmured in understanding. This business leader had hit the nail on the head.

In fact, she wasn't just describing the people who work in big banks. The average savings rate for American families dropped below zero almost three years ago for the first time since the Great Depression. Instead of sounding the alarm, we all just kept on partying and spending as if it didn't matter. The gimmes haven't just overtaken our kids; they ran us all over a financial cliff.

CNN recently ran a series of reports attempting to assign blame for this troubling situation. Entitled 10 Most Wanted: The Culprits of the Collapse, the report assigned guilt to a series of corporate executives and government officials. But their tenth culprit was a surprise to many: you. By "you," of course, they meant all of us. And they're right, because cultures are made up of people and just about all of us helped make "more, easy, fast, fun" the cultural mantra of the day.

In Washington and on Wall Street the course correction is going to be painful but necessary. And it'll be just as hard at home for the rest of us. But here's a list of steps we need to take to reverse DDD in our kids.

1. Learn how to say No.
2. Support, don't rescue.
3. Encourage, don't coddle.
4. Get kids what they need but not everything they want.
5. Back up teachers and schools.
6. Become MediaWise®
7. Have clear and high expectations.
8. Expect kids to do chores.
9. Set and enforce clear limits and consequences.
10. Expect kids to volunteer and help others.

As parents, following these tips could mean the difference between success and failure for our kids. In addition, if we can all apply them to ourselves, we might be able to prevent the next collapse.

David Walsh, Ph.D. is the founder of the MediaWise Movement, a program of the National Institute on Media and the Family (www.mediawise.org). His latest book, No: Why Kids - of All Ages - Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press) is available in bookstores.